Thanks South Africa!

Today I am officially leaving South Africa. It does not feel as strange as I thought it would. Perhaps this reality has not fully hit me yet, but I honestly feel as though I am ready to go home. I do not mean ready in the sense that I have been waiting around to leave and I am finally getting the chance, I do not mean the kind of ready that a person forces upon themselves so that they can retain a shred of sanity in transitioning from one environment and set of circumstances to completely different ones. I think that this feeling is one produced from a healthy balance of acquiring knowledge and wanting to apply that knowledge in the life that follows the experience in which it was all attained.

I have been living in one of the most stunning cities in the world for the past five months. Yes I have enjoyed the traveling and the constant presence of mountains that dramatize and beautify every scene, but I think this experience has been defined by so much more than seeing a new place and acclimating to a new culture. My life in Cape Town has been an opportunity to confront issues that exist in my own life and in the world at large. I have read about this country, its traumatic history, its rich and ever-changing culture, its countless populations and the relationships between them that continue to foster an uneven hierarchy that was expected to be destroyed fourteen years ago, so that I could sincerely begin to understand the failures of this place and the simultaneous potential it has to be a beacon of reconciliation. I have immersed myself in the Cape Town Jewish community which has shed light upon the value of participating in a community for the sake of its survival, the difficulties and restrictions attached to being a Jewish woman and the true beauty of being a nomadic Jew who has the potential to find a home anywhere in the world. I have committed myself to my UCT experience that has provided me with a multi-dimensional academic understanding of my surroundings. I have continued conversations with so many different people and situations in my ‘normal life’ that have undergone significant changes and will allow me to merge my life in Cape Town with that which has happened in Elkins Park, PA and at Brandeis. This experience is so much more than a trip, a vacation, a break. Rather it has been an opportunity to learn about myself, about the world, and how I might possibly start going about fusing these two things together so that I can start to make a significant contribution to the world.

In an attempt to try to wrap this experience up with a nice red bow, though this seems like quite an impossible task, I would like to share a few specific lessons that I will definitely leave here with:

Though I feel as though I was aware of this before, I have learned to become extremely thankful for the amazing people in my life and those who continue to enter my life. To be surrounded by different people in different environments who expose me to new viewpoints and experiences and who challenge me, is something that I do not and hopefully will not ever take for granted. I am a product of my surroundings and thankfully I have so often been surrounded by people who, as a result of our relationships and interactions, never allow me to remain stagnant in who I am and in what I believe and who have supported me in the decisions I have made in attempting to explore these aspects of my being.

I have learned that in order to have a well-informed opinion about something it is necessary to not only understand the viewpoint with which you are aligning yourself, but that you must be acquainted with the ideas that you are opposing as well. There are 749 sides to every story, to every experience. It is not enough to acknowledge one opinion when the context of it is dependent upon so many others. It is easy to feel the freedom to have something to say about everything in the world, but the majority of us the majority of the time have so much more to learn about these topics. Yet we are so often content with the knowledge base we already possess, with the ideas we have heard third-hand and the brief headlines we read from one biased newspaper once or twice a week. Knowledge and explanation are endless. There is so much to learn in the world, we will never know everything and I have learned that I need to admit the limitations of my own ideas and beliefs and understand their lack of relevance to other people who have come from different backgrounds and circumstances. Admitting limits seems to reveal a strength in my opinion rather than a weakness, it demonstrates our capacity to allow each person to be entitled to their own experience without taking ownership over it ourselves.

I have learned that a much as I want to save the world and make a large impact, I am confined by a different set of restrictions that surround who I am and who I am not. Perhaps I may try to do so someday, but as a twenty year old, upper-middle class, white, American, college student, I have very little to offer little kids in impoverished Cape Townian townships, I have little to offer to people who look at me as someone who has monopolized resources that they have no access to. I can learn about different situations, I can empathize with various populations, but I have no voice in a community I am not a part of, I have no right to discuss problems and solutions that affect people who live in completely different circumstances. My identity is inherently tied up with a colonial past that has directly oppressed the people of South Africa. No I have not participated in this process, this dehumanization, but I reap the benefits offered by the people who did. At the same time, though if I am willing to put forth the effort, perhaps I can build the capacity to make a difference in small doses and in communities that are not only my own but ones that I commit myself to for a long period of time admitting that I can never determine the fate of someone whose circumstances I do not understand.

On a more practical level, I have learned a great deal about a country and a continent that is often ignored and simplified as the heart of darkness. I do not remember what I though of South Africa and Africa in general before I arrived, but I now know that this country and is an intensely complex conglomeration of malleable social structures that continues to grow and that, if set on the right track, has the potential to be a true light unto other nations in which so many different people, lifestyles, cultures and beliefs may one day all live side by side in harmony. I have learned that while Africa is often clumped into one entire continent by the Western world, each country within it fosters different circumstances and identities that must be seen independently from each other (and yes I admit that I can really only say I know a little about south Africa and a smidge about a few other countries nearby). This understanding is seems to me to be strongly influenced by the line between civilized and barbarian that is often very clear cut in the Western world. Yet this polarized understanding is not only incorrect in its elitist assessment of a twisted world order, it is extremely detrimental to the people who reside in each society. Westerners often elevate themselves and dismiss all Africans as static, traditional and wild which justifies colonization and infusing their civilization within societies that have rich cultures, rituals and beliefs that are in turn compromised and sometimes destroyed completely. This is a colossal problem, for once more, the world is not as set and as black and white as we are taught. It is complicated, it is layered, thus we need to recognize these different layers and not perceive them through the lenses of other social systems. Therefore I think that the solution reverts back to the acquisition of knowledge and the need to obliterate the prism that has polarized the world and the discourse surrounding all its problems into the two categories of good and evil.

Something else that I have discovered for myself is that I need to be in a place, a land, among a people that I sincerely care for and whose value system I am both in agreement with and can be inspired by. South Africa is in need of immense repair, it is sodden with problems and leadership who often fail to acknowledge them, but it is a country that understands its need to rebuild, it is a country that acknowledges its incompleteness and continues to strive for the democratic and equal objectives preached in 1994 when the beautiful ideal of the Rainbow Nation emanated throughout the country infusing a hope that has fluttered into the background recently. Yet amidst all these problems, this country is still proceeding, is still pushing forward to desperately attempt to better the lives of all of its citizens by admitting its faults and implementing new plans that, though they are often more damaging than helpful, are manifest recognition of this rebuilding process. Throughout my time here, I have developed a genuine concern for the future of this country and the well-being of those who inhabit it because I am in awe of the efforts made by South Africa to create a democratic society for all. When the black majority was handed power, they sought to reconcile with their oppressors who remained their neighbors, they did not take revenge, they did not enforce a plan of retribution. This country is currently at an extremely important stage in which each individuals decisions and actions toward each other represent something much bigger. I think that this reality is truly amazing, for it compels each person to consider the consequences of their choices, it amplifies the importance of each person.

I am extremely appreciative of my upbringing in America, I know that the resources that I had access to throughout my life are the product of my surroundings, so I do not mean to bash my motherland, however, I think that the individualism, consumerism and elitism that permeate so many different aspects of American life are forces that perhaps may collide with the ideals that I hope to base my future community, my family life and my occupation upon. When I say individualism I refer to the lack of responsibility we often feel toward one another and when I say consumerism I mean the discontentment that forces people to constantly be focusing on what can fill the voids we have been conditioned to constantly pinpoint. This is not necessarily a reference to purchasing material objects, but constantly feeling as though we need more than what we actually need in order to make us happy while so many others have so much less than what they need. And when I say elitism, I mean a mentality that seems to me to have been cultivated in the education of every American child that promotes an Ameri-centrism that justifies unjust acts and beliefs about other groups of people and ways of thinking. Therefore it seems quite easy to live a life in America that does not motivate us to care for each other and to feel as though our actions as individuals serve a greater purpose.

I know that I sound very idealistic and “I-went-abroad-and-now-everything-has changed-and -I-hate-capitalism-and-America,” but at this specific point in time I see an alternative that, for me, has the potential to offer the meaning, the value system and the opportunities that trample upon these forces that often blur our vision and complicate our capacity to care for each other on a micro and macro level. As of now, I think I want to live in Israel. That is not to say that Israel is devoid of its problems, in fact it may have more than the U.S., but they are problems that align with the same issues I have in my own head and heart, they surround faith, conflicting realities and truths and the seeming incapacity to coexist. The conversations that must take place surrounding these issues are ones in which I have begun to participate and ones that need to progress and evolve. While at times the state of Israel seems to doomed into eternal turmoil, I feel as though the constant fight to put an end to it and at times to keep it going, is one to which I have a responsibility, is one to which I am bound. To live in a country that’s inherent existence is entangled in discussions of a conflict of this nature is something that seems to add a new significant dimension to life, is something that elevates ones being into a collective that has a higher purpose. The diversity, the calamity and the uncertainty of both South Africa and Israel have produced an intrinsic value that ties each South African, each Israeli, and his or her actions together, that attaches meaning to every decision made and every war waged. Though I have benefited more than words can describe from growing up in America, I do not feel as though my existence as an American provides me with this same significance.

I have learned that as much as I may have tried to convince myself otherwise by initially embarking on this journey, Judaism is my core. I came hear knowing that I would acquaint myself with the Jewish community in order to have places to travel to on Shabbat and friends to go with, but I figured that my general abroad experience would be of a primarily secular nature. This is not to say that Judaism would not be a constant presence but that it would be more a personal dimension of my life here that would compel me to make decisions independently and allow myself the opportunity to analyze and place the religious transformation I had experienced before this. I would not have imagined that being here would in itself activate a completely new transition process within my Judaism. I would not have though that my exposure the Jewish community would have prompted me to shift from such a personal Jewish identity to one that is very much intertwined with the community at large and the need to participate in its maintenance. Ultimately, Judaism is in everything that I do and it allows me to constantly contextualize and justify the decisions that I make. It is my conscience and it what I crave. I continue to want to learn more, to attend shiurim, to talk about it, to battle with it. It is my defining feature, my essence and I feel so lucky to be able to say that. I feel so lucky to be committed to something that constantly forces me to question myself and my actions, to something that protects me, to something that allows me to understand how to live in a way that I feel is meaningful.

Along that same topic, I have learned to fully appreciate the insight and leadership of Rabbis. I think prior to this experience I had been quite hostile in my head toward Orthodox, authority figures, but being exposed to such intelligent, dynamic rabbis here who sincerely care about the welfare of their communities and who embrace the importance of their role in a shrinking Jewish population has allowed me to cultivate a sincere sense of gratitude toward them. I will forever be amazed by the ability of many of the rabbis here to work together toward a common goal and recognize the value that lies in combining their different beliefs and mindsets with the intention of accommodating different types of Jews who have different needs and may be turned off by one authority who is the sole voice in his community. Quality leadership has so much potential to generate excitement, a newfound meaning within individuals and collectives and an underrated connection between the ideals and traditions of Judaism and the world at large in which we all function.

Speaking of cool Rabbis, this past Thursday night I went to hear Rabbi Akiva Tatz, a well-known rabbi who has authored a bunch of books, speak at a shul in Sea Point. Wow, his discussion of happiness in a troubled world (which seems quite cliché I know) was just one more incredible opportunity to consume new ideas and beliefs that I can continue to relate to my own life. He said that being in a constant state of joy is about knowing that there is always something you can be doing in order to grow. Even in situations where it seems as though sorrow would consume you, like mourning, we are given guidelines and rules that allow us to do something meaningful by helping the soul of the person who has passed on continue to rise to new spiritual levels since there is no longer a physical body to do so for the soul itself. As long as we have something that continues to bestow meaning upon us we are able to be in a state of joy, of spiritual progress, because it confirms our hunch that there is something higher that we are working towards. It confirms that though we experience pain and negativity, we are constantly working toward something greater, something founded upon a great deal of meaning that can perhaps be propelled forward by both the good and the seemingly bad.

He elaborated on this point by saying that being happy during the journey is dependant upon the anticipation of getting to the destination. Being happy when you arrive is dependant upon the accomplishment you feel from the journey being so difficult. The meeting point of journey and destination is thus the pinnacle of joy because it brings these two states of happiness together. This is a reflection of olam habah, for it strips us down to what we have accomplished in this world. In the next world, we are confronted with the versions of ourselves that have reached their full potential and are then face to face with the gap between what we were and what we could have been. The world that will be is a repeat of what was without all of the other gashmiut to hide what we have become or what we have failed to become. He beautifully related this to what purpose Shabbat truly serves. It is not a time of rest from the hard work that we have been engaging in for the week that preceded it, rather it is a stoppage in the process of development, of progress, so that instead of focusing on what will be, we are able to find the joy in what already exists. This day provides us with an opportunity truly relish in all that we have been given and what we have helped create. This is why the root of Shabbat, shev, means to sit (this same root is also found in the word yeshiva), because though sitting is often perceived negatively as a halt in progress, we are allowed to remain stagnant to sit, in a place of Torah and of avodat Hashem because though physically we may not be moving forward, spiritually, we are clearly elevating ourselves. (Wow, I have become so frum, I just keep reiterating shiurim, you must think that all I do is go hear Rabbis speak. I promise while I have done my fair share of that I have also taken complete advantage of all that this experience had to offer.)

I have also learned empirically through this blog that writing is a necessary outlet for expressing my emotions and understanding my own experiences in a greater context. I have not bought much while being here and I have also not taken very many pictures. Perhaps this is because I am cheap and lazy, but I like to give myself a little bit more credit, I think another reason may be because this blog is my primary memento of this experience. I will forever be able to read this and look at the few pictures I took and the others which I stole from online (legally…I promise), for I have encapsulated my life here in a way that would be belittled and simplified by a little statue of a giraffe. I don’t know if I will continue it, but I know that this specific avenue of expression is something that will always be a huge part of my life. If I do choose to continue, I think I might keep the title and the context. While I clearly will not physically be in Cape Town anymore, I think that I can shift my understanding of this place to a state of mind that allows me to analyze so many different experiences and set of circumstances at once in conjunction with one another. So perhaps this specific alley of communication with my own mind and other people in my life has not seen its end just yet.

I think that in the end one of the most important things that I have learned is that I am content with who I am. I think I have felt this in some way for a while, but being here alone with no real roots present to hold me up, I have had to make decisions completely independently of every other force in my life and I am extremely happy with the decisions that I made and with the things that I committed myself to here. I am excited to see how I can build off of all of what I have learned here and all the lessons that I have acquired.

Study abroad experiences are often seen as a pause from a person’s normal life. While at times I did feel as though this experience took on that identity, I think that I was ultimately able to use this time constructively in dealing with identity issues, understanding of my surroundings, relationships, religious struggles and so much more; I was able to live my life in Cape Town in conjunction with my life on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. I am not returning to a world that was stagnant while I was away, I am going back to a world that has grown, that has become more complex, and I feel as though I am departing having undergone the same transformations. I have been forced to develop an awareness that must be applied to everything here, an awareness that will continue to force me to ask questions about where I am, who else is here, who is not here and why perhaps that is the case. I don’t think that can stem from simply being in a new place, rather it is the product of submitting to a much more multifarious experience that has challenged me in countless ways. Yes, I am a little apprehensive about transitioning back into American culture, remembering which side of the road to look at when I cross the street, not taking half hour naps in between surfing from one internet site to another, but I think that I am leaving with more than what I am leaving behind. I am bringing back lessons and ideas that I am eager to incorporate into the future that awaits me.

Thanks for joining me on my journey. Cheers!